The codependent person has low self esteem and seeks approval from other people in order to feel better about themselves. They do not have a sense of self worth, so they base their worth on what they do; their achievements; their possessions; how attractive they are; and basically what other people think of them. This is called “Other Esteem”. In treatment the codependent comes to realise that they are valuable and precious and have inherent worth, not based on what they do, but for who they are.
The roots of codependency begin in a dysfunctional family environment which cultivates a deep sense of shame. Children are taught that they are either “not good enough”, or they are “better than other people”.
A codependent can struggle with over whelming emotions and reactions or feel numb and unable to express or understand what their emotions are. Either way, this can cause them to have problems in their relationship with both themselves and others.
If the codependent pushes their feelings down inside, this can lead to physical illness. Alternatively some may self medicate through alcohol, drugs or food in an attempt to reduce or numb out their feelings of unhappiness.
Don’t be fooled by how well turned out and by what a great achiever the codependent may seem to be. Inside there can be a deep sense of inadequacy and uncertainty about who they really are.
“I have had therapy before, but usually been so overwhelmed by the feelings that come up for me that I have shut down and stayed stuck. It has been different with Kate because the overwhelming feelings I experience in my body no longer get in the way of the counselling process but are exactly what we work with.
SE work is all about connecting with the body, and releasing trauma in a gentle way. Kate's support through this process has been absolute. Within sessions she has taught me grounding techniques and helped me find resources within myself and within the world - things that calm me down and help me feel ok. When I am triggered in sessions she helps me come back in to the room - to find anchors there, and to connect with myself and with her. She has helped me to feel safe enough to connect with my body and it's store of memories and feelings.
All of these things have enabled me, very gradually, to start to release my feelings and all of the traumatic energy that has been trapping me in a painful place. They are also tools that help me to manage my feelings and emotions outside of sessions, meaning that I don't get triggered or overwhelmed as easily or as often and am more able to enjoy the good things in my life. I found Kate when I had lost hope that things could ever change, and am so grateful for her input and care; she has been a lifeline to me.” (Hertfordshire Client)
Somatic experiencing builds on traditional trauma therapy methods (which address emotions and behaviour) by incorporating the body and felt sense, releasing the trauma that is locked in your body.
For Sex & Love Addicts
“Addiction is an illness of escape”.
Let’s face it addiction causes chaos, it can wreck your relationships, take over your life, not to mention the mental and emotional strain it puts on your body. Who wouldn’t want to be restored back to sanity and take back control of their life?
I offer a collaborative approach to healing from sexual compulsivity. My aim is to help you on your journey of recovery using the tried and tested methods of Patrick Carnes a leading authority in the treatment of sex and porn addiction.
I have a particular focus on the impact of trauma on the addictive process. I will teach you skills to self regulate and manage difficult emotions. We will explore your core beliefs and how those are impacting your addiction now.
With support in therapy, your commitment and a twelve step programme, healing is possible.
Many people start watching porn not understanding that it can become an addiction. Like any addiction it can be used as a way to numb out from difficult feelings such as boredom, disappointment, anger and pain. Before you know it, it has become a daily habit and you feel you can’t manage life without it.
Porn addiction in men can cause erectile dysfunction and difficulties in relationships. Perhaps your porn addiction is so consuming you cannot have a relationship or you are struggling to maintain one. Likewise women may also struggle with porn addiction causing reduced intimacy with real-life partners and lowered sense of esteem among other negative effects.
I believe that most addictive behaviors are a way of self-soothing and trying to regulate difficult feelings and experiences. Obviously if the behavior has become addictive you need help to learn how to stop and replace that behavior with other more helpful ones.
Like any addictive behavior you will need support whilst changing that compulsion. You will need tools to help yourself and understand your addictive process. You will need to learn how to self regulate and manage your feelings. This is what I offer you if you make the decision you want to work on your porn addiction.
“Burnout is a state of emotional, physical and mental exhaustion
caused by excessive and prolonged stress."
Everyday can feel like a whirlwind of action. Deadlines, meetings, running around, eating on the go. Your mind under pressure, thoughts whirling around until gradually over time you find it harder and harder to function.
Trying to drag yourself out of bed, hoping a coffee or two will liven up both your body and brain? Only it’s harder to concentrate now and you have this feeling of constant fatigue and brain fog. Things you used to find enjoyable can now be a drag. Instead of meeting up with friends after work all you can think about is sleeping or vegging in front of the TV.
Perhaps a drink will help or some other stimulant? But then nothing seems to work these days for long? This empty feeling in your body just won’t go away. You feel like you can’t be bothered to talk and you would rather be alone. Cynical thoughts come to mind and you wonder if you are depressed.
Then there are the headaches and tummy aches. You can’t remember the last time you felt energized and happy to be alive. If only your body would keep up and ward off all those nasty bugs.
If you relate to many of these symptoms you could be in burn out. It’s time to get your life back on track and take care of yourself, body, mind and spirit.
I have tailor made a programme to help you recover from burn out. It will take some time as getting burnt out doesn’t happen overnight but with the right tools and self-care it can happen. It’s time to understand your triggers and how to handle stress as well as regaining internal balance and boundaries.